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Saturday, April 23, 2005
12:14 AM
dear holy father,
i do not believe that the one true god makes imperfect vessels. and he makes some of his vessels gay. so please quit being mean to them. it seems to indicate that you're kind of missing the point.
love,
rane
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
3:13 PM
i'm worthless for the working today. i want to take a nap in the sun. only 1.25 hours till freedom.
oh, and i have to pack up everything i own tonight.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
12:32 PM
a new pope has been elected. they need to announce who.
(originally, the first sentence was "a new hope has been elected." freudian slip?)
Sunday, April 10, 2005
12:45 AM
this has been fun. but i think it's time to go home.
Friday, April 08, 2005
12:04 AM
vivid demonstration of what the art director does to the models we see everywhere:
http://homepage.mac.com/gapodaca/digital/bikini/index.html
(hint: scroll over the picture)
Thursday, April 07, 2005
10:28 AM
i just spent the last 30 minutes stamping a return address on envelopes. *sigh*
anyone want to give me $40,000 for grad school?
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
11:55 AM
on september 11, 2001, i woke up to the morning radio hosts speculating on whether or not michael jordan would declare his return to basketball. i showered, in our tiny bathroom with its troublesome shower stall, where i probably struggled to keep the curtain from blowing outside of the shallow floor rim. i dried off and wandered out to the main room, flipped on cnn while getting my cereal...and i saw it all play out. there was a plane hitting the towers and i couldn't even process what was happening in front of me. gradually, i woke my roommate, called family and friends, sat dumbfounded. meredith called from prague as the second tower collapsed--they could not get news and i told her what i could. there was so little we knew what to say.
eventually i roused myself from the horror spell of the ever repeating images, of the smoke and ash and heavy collapse. i went out and tried to live life as if it was a more or less ordinary day, which was impossible, of course. we were all confused zombies, immobile as we went from place to place. life was not.
i left someone that day, who loved me and i loved. it'd been coming for awhile, tensions over my impending trip to europe and the weight of two years together while still so young. we don't talk anymore, which i suppose is little surprising. i'm not sure i can do anything worse than what i did that day, more poorly timed. i miss him sometimes, and wonder what's become of him, beyond the bare bone details that i know from short chance meetings and snatched lunches, of rumors from friends of friends i sometimes saw. i have tried to call when visiting back home, but i'll take the silence and leave him be. i hope he's well. i hope he sometimes thinks of me.
Monday, April 04, 2005
3:42 AM
most likely to be expanded later:
1) it seems i am not going to grad school in the fall. (this is upsetting)
2) i haven't the slightest idea what to do then, as i'd been building my plans for the next year based upon a return to an academic setting. (confusion about my future is, however, par for the course)
---a) stay here, work the job that is wrecking my wrists and rotting my brain.
---b) stay here for the summer, continue to work, but find a fall internship and/or start freelancing.
---c) move home for the summer, but attempt the same end goal as in b.
---d) throw all caution to the wind and go to grad school anyway, despite a hefty combination of doubt and debt.
3) either north carolina has given me allergies, or i have a very tenacious virus.
there is much more, but i think the insomnia may be abating and i should take the opportunity to get 4 hours sleep before work.
Friday, April 01, 2005
1:16 PM
the pope is dying, perhaps lies dead already. he has led the church that raised me since before i was conceived. though i am a fallen, conflicted catholic, i feel grief that we will lose him. i do not agree with all he has said and all he believes, but i respect him for all he's done. he has attempted to make the church more catholic (with a small c), trying to ease even old schisms. i have no words right now. the world will feel a loss, and i'm afraid of who will follow.
