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Monday, April 19, 2004
10:50 PM
i work retail. anyone who has ever worked retail knows how much it sucks. anyone who hasn't can never understand. today, while full of menial, meaningless, tedious tasks, was also full of the usual cast of ridiculous characters:
1) a deaf amish woman
2) the cheapskate asshole*
3) people who laugh at the asshole with you once he leaves
4) the man who talks to you endlessly until he finds someone else to distract him
5) the foreigner who doesn't understand anything you say
6) skater punks looking lost
7) preppies looking for 'paddles'**
*the cheapskate asshole (CSA) was an all new edition. well dressed, in a suit, probably on an early lunch break. $4 for two trashy murder mystery paperbacks was apparently too expensive for him without the 40% off, so he ditched the $1.50 one and then whined about the condition and price of the other, trying to bring the price down farther. i was, needless to say, nonplussed by his need to take $.50 off the price. i pointed out the book was only $2.50, to which he responded, "well, you're going out of business anyway." which was a mistake, as my boss was right there. his only response was to stand up from the desk, take the book away from the CSA, rip it in half, and throw it away. i found this very amusing. the customer then proceeded to yammer about aggressiveness and how he thought he'd go get a cop. my boss's response to that was "please do." we did not see CSA again, but we did mock him with the next few customers at the desk. and people wonder why we hate retail...
**seriously, paddles. as in the kind fraternities use in various inappropriate ways. we're a book store, for god's sake! though the sex shop is next door...
now, however, i am drinking a lovely red wine after making a yummy dinner of salmon and mashed potatoes with all necessary fixings. i can't believe i just used the word "fixings." i'll leave it in because it amuses me.
12:05 AM
the tulips are blooming.
i've spent the last couple weeks trying to be positive (and finally started succeeding) and through it i kept saying "there are tulips waiting to bloom." mostly because they're outside my window, waiting. i've watched them grow, survive the cold that came in suddenly, as wisconsin is wont to due. they've bloomed now. and i've gotten my head back to a place where things are okay again. not that it's much of an analogy, but it's there, and you take what'll pull you through.
last week was really good. not exciting, but good. that's about all i'm asking for these days.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
10:56 AM
What a difference a week makes.
People move toward getting better and even if they're not yet 100% yet, the worry lifts. Things, while not quite coming together, are starting to form into some sort of coherent pattern and plan and the job search progresses. I push myself extra hard while working out and though my body hurts it's in a good way and I sleep solidly at night. I go out with my friends and I laugh and don't feel guilty for having fun.
It's spring and there are tulips waiting to bloom.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
11:27 PM
in way of explanation of that last post:
since coming back from prague the first time, in january, i've had three people close to me deal with illnesses of various kinds, of various degrees. two of them have not been able to receive the medical treatments and testing that they need in order to be completely diagnosed and treated appropriately. the third is currently in a hospital, and we don't know what's wrong. it set in quickly, with no warning, and there's nothing we can do but wait to see if he comes out of it. i've even fallen back on whispered prayers, because i don't know what else to do. i'm just tired and worried and lost. and to be honest, hoping i manage to stay healthy and accident free, since i don't have any sort of health coverage myself. but mostly i'm preoccupied with thoughts that there's a chance i may have lost someone who's really important to me--only time will tell if they're all right.
i went out tonight in hopes of distracting myself, but it didn't do much good, so i came home. and now i'll sleep. maybe things will be better in the morning.
Monday, April 05, 2004
10:32 PM
fucking hell.
i'm thinking of you kiddo. get better. you've got to be okay.
i'm worried...
Sunday, April 04, 2004
12:12 AM
New plan!
It involves moving to the UK if I haven't found a real job, probably in DC, before the end of May. This would mean leaving for London before June 30th, the last day I could enter. Betsy also thinks this is a fabulous idea, if we can find something resembling almost real jobs, or at least office work. I don't want to be here anyway. Flee the country.
I have spent this evening drinking a lovely bottle of Australian shiraz. I am officially a little drunk and melancholy. I have got to get out of this town. As soon as possible. I am not ashamed of running away.
