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Monday, March 29, 2004
5:15 PM
Baltasar Gracian:
"What matters isn't being applauded when you arrive--for that is common--but being missed when you leave."
"Trust your heart, especially when it is a strong one."
Sunday, March 28, 2004
11:22 PM
There's a lot going on right now, but I don't know what to say or even who to talk to. I don't even know how I feel--I only hope that the quiet contentment I feel about my own life right now will hold me through the rest of it. It's cliche and stupid, but I feel like a different person than I was before I left. Maybe it was all the hours left to my self, or the people, or the place, but I'm not the same.
There was a rainbow stretched in the clouds as we flew toward the tarmac of O'Hare. As we neared touchdown, I managed one of the first real smiles since I passed through immigration in Prague fourteen hours before. I would claim that I'm not superstitious, but it would be a lie. I still wear my Saint Christopher's medallion every time I fly. So a rainbow always speaks of something good to me, whether the goodness of what had just passed or what was to come. I'm going to accept it as a message for both this time.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
7:24 AM
i'm home.
i'm tired.
i miss him terribly.
but i've got to move forward anyway.
Friday, March 19, 2004
11:42 AM
I woke up this morning from dreaming with an ache in my chest and near tears.
I don't want to go home.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
1:20 PM
It always seems that the more time I have to think, the less I feel like saying.
I wander through the streets of Prague and breath in the Eastern European spring. The sun shines on the river and I need a hat to look anywhere but the ground. I read and I write and drink too much coffee, refusing to study and even avoiding shopping. I follow the cobblestones and winding side streets and lose myself until I stumble back to places that I know. If the weather holds I will walk on Petrin Hill tomorrow and view the city, from the castle to the old town and perhaps, up there, there will be fewer tourists loudly proclaiming their presence.
But none of this means anything unless you have also walked these streets, and there is so much that I am not saying. I do not write on this page like I used to. The words and subjects are different. I'm getting older.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
8:26 AM
made it to prague safe and sound. it's sunny and not too cold and i finally figured out why my cash card wasn't working. good things all.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
3:35 AM
all finished packing. other than the last minute shove things in that i use every day. not bad. i'll actually have time to sleep. here's to hoping i do.
2 days from now, i will be waking up in prague.
Monday, March 08, 2004
12:13 AM
also, i think i'm getting carpal tunnel in my left wrist. it's killing me. so maybe i should stop with the typing. though it's been hurting like hell for nearly a week. i don't know what to do other than take more advil.
12:02 AM
one of my friends is about to start hiking the appalachian trail. i'm so excited for him and so proud. i'm currently reading a walk in the woods by bill bryson and it gives me a real appreciation for what spy is trying to accomplish. he's been talking about this for years and now he's actually going to do it. it's astounding and impressive and i wish him the best of luck. no regrets.
today i discovered i have photoshop on my computer. i did not realize this. it'd be nice if i could take my laptop with to prague and play with it on some photos i've got, especially since i was planning on taking it anyway, but as it won't take power off the battery (and yes, i've checked, it's the computer and not the battery that's the problem here) i wouldn't be able to turn it on at security, which they would find suspect and not like at all. suppose in theory i could convince them to take me somewhere with an outlet, but the tsa or whatever they're called these days does not seem like a group i want to deal with pissing off while i'm flying overseas.
anyway, i've got to go write my packing list before i sleep. i think if i have room i want to add another sweater...
Thursday, March 04, 2004
11:45 PM
more bruised knuckles. this could be my new fashion statement.
started to pack. initial run through of clothing complete.
fighting the flu. time to sleep.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
10:56 AM
the ecstasy of breathing...
Monday, March 01, 2004
12:27 AM
i got my physical diploma today. guess i have officially graduated.
also, i did my taxes, so i'll be able to pay bills next month, despite my crazy jaunt to prague and the not working for two weeks that it entails.
i have to finish my column.
my home town has changed a lot in the last few years. built a new police station and city hall downtown. there have been new restaurants opening, including both a pizzeria and a gyro place. the youth center has finally established some permanent reliable hours. at least on the surface, it's reviving, and becoming more friendly to the youth. you don't have to go out of town to hang out and eat. i'm not sure if they still do. but the landscapes changing, and every time i go back it's less like the place i grew up. which is okay, as i've never felt like i'd want to resettle there, so the familiarity, outside of my parents house, isn't too important. that's changing to, as mom redecorates room by room, but that's more incremental and easily handled. i lost my bedroom years ago, so there's no pending trauma there. just strange to drive through downtown sometimes. stores have changed. at least the downtown is revitalizing?
i'm tired and having trouble stringing thoughts together. better sleep and write column in the morning.
